The details of the carbon tax are announced this Sunday.  All the media are planning special wraparounds and editions. But here’s something we prepared earlier.


THE AUSTRALIAN:  PAGE 1 SPLASH: Green Gamble – The Gillard government, in one last desperate throw of the dice to avoid electoral annihilation, is gambling its fortunes on a tax on carbon that attacks the very foundations of the resource boom and puts Australia in a lonely position ahead of the global pack.
The long-awaited announcement of the so-called multi-party agreement on the carbon tax was seized upon by the Opposition and industry groups as an ill-timed drag on the economy’s last remaining engine and by community groups (get Pell/Jensen or another churchman on record) as a blow to working families.
A spot Newspoll, carried out on Sunday as the details were just emerging (just read it out to them over the phone), suggested the government was likely to be disappointed in its hopes for a poll bounce out of a tax which has sparked talk of capital strikes by global fund managers (Terry McCrann will give you a quote).

PAGE 1: Coal Comfort (Paul Kelly analysis) – Let there be no mistake. In a profound and irreversible shift in Australian politics whose reverberations will be felt for generations, a fringe group of radicals has seized the national political agenda and left the reforming spirit of the Hawke/Keating/Howard years in tatters.

PAGE 3: Warming? What Warming? (Monckton Op-Ed) – Adolf Hitler was a great believer in climate change and built bunkers below his Bavarian hideaway to deal with the inevitable melting of the ice-caps. And like today’s climate charlatans, the Fuhrer knew scientists could be bought.

PAGE 3: The Forgotten People (Case Study) – For hard-working Matt and Nicky Spencer of Mt Druitt, the carbon tax is the final straw that will drive this hard-working couple from their home.  Already struggling with their $600,000 mortgage and payments on their three investment properties, Matt and Nicky must now find the extra $1.20 they will pay in electricity bills a year ($1.15 of which will be rebated).

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THE HERALD SUN/DAILY TELEGRAPH: Editor’s Note: Pictures and illustrations are going to sell this one. I don’t want to see any boring tables or graphics and if you’re going to run a temperatures chart, run it upside down this time.

PAGE 1: Cate’s Rates – It’s 6am at Blacktown station, bitterly cold and Murray Johnson is worrying how he’ll pay the 500 per cent increase in train fares caused by a carbon tax pushed by Hollywood star Cate Blanchett sitting comfortably at home in her Hunter’s Hill mansion. (Photo collage of Blanchett as Queen Liz the First chopping off a battler’s head).

BACK PAGE: Footy in the Dark – Australia’s great sporting stadiums may have to sacrifice flood-lit football (take the groundsman to the pub, he’ll tell you) as the carbon tax sends power bills spiralling and deprives battlers of one of the last remaining pleasures of life.

BUSINESS: Green Grab – Insert Terry McCrann rant. (Just make sure his batteries are charged) 

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TODAY TONIGHT: The Copenhagen Connection – Australia’s carbon tax was sealed in this shady lane way in Copenhagen by Kevin Rudd during the aborted summit at the end of 2009 (We can film this in Fitzroy if we do it at the right time of day; get a couple of cops on bicycles to chase you).

A CURRENT AFFAIR:  The Carbon Diet – Scientists have warned the federal government’s new carbon tax threatens cutting edge research that suggests carbon-based diets could be the secret to sustained weight loss. (Shoot Tracey having burnt toast for breakfast).

ABC NEWS RADIO:  Carbon Crash/Taxing Times/Temperatures Rising (We just need a cute two word headline, it doesn’t really matter what; just make sure it starts with ‘The Opposition has slammed…’ and don’t worry about running this before the policy is announced)

ABC 7.30: Analysis: Leigh Sales interviews Chris Uhlmann who interviews Peter Hartcher and Samantha Riley about what the carbon tax might mean for the next Neilsen and Newspoll.

60 MINUTES: Hot for Teacher:  The world isn’t the only thing that’s warming.  Feel the room getting h-o-t-t-e-r as Liz Hayes interviews Greg Combet about all that ‘alternative’ energy.

2GB: Alan Jones: (Just ensure the spittoon is on hand and keep Al’s physician on standby.)


23 Comments

Anonymous · July 5, 2011 at 12:07 pm

Your predictions are too sensible. I expect many including Mr. Abbott to enter cuckoo land completely.

The dejected pose the camera's in QT picked up fleetingly will become more pronounced.

Dan · July 5, 2011 at 10:47 pm

Mr D, read today's Australian. They've taken your advice already! You will need to give them another dose so they can get Monday's editon out.

Robert van Aalst · July 5, 2011 at 11:38 pm

A wonderful read – thank you

Anonymous · July 6, 2011 at 12:21 am

Very good, but you forgot ABC News 24:

Producer: Look we'll just get a guy from the IPA and a journo from News Ltd for balance.

Work experience kid: But shouldn't we get an expert on?

Producer: You should know by know that anyone from the IPA is an expert on anything.

WEK: Sorry, I forgot.

Anonymous · July 6, 2011 at 12:22 am

Sheesh – Know by now..

calyptorhynchus · July 6, 2011 at 1:37 am

Nearly died laughing…..

Great

Robert Merkel · July 6, 2011 at 1:52 am

The New York Times might have a piece on it, which without making a single factual error will manage to totally mischaracterise the debate.

Mr D · July 6, 2011 at 2:04 am

Yes, Robert, US journalists notoriously fastidiuous about fact-checking whilst leaving comprehension and context out of the equation. Bit like their black-letter lawyers – literal minded to the extreme.

Frankly Mr. Shankly · July 6, 2011 at 2:13 am

SMH/Fairfax:

Splash pic – storm clouds? Gillard looking sad? Unrelated housing story pic?

Attention grabbing headline designed to grab your attention! [turns out its an op ed written by Peter Hartcher]

Sarcastic/funny piece by smirking female journalist [now that A. Crabb is at the ABC] – turns out to be a string of obvious jokes and “humorous observations”

Back page – infuriating gossip bs.

How will the Government's CRTS effect house prices? [Page 3]

Catherine M · July 6, 2011 at 2:33 am

Glad you included ABC News Radio – they're one of the worst offenders, and are blatantly pro-Coalition – they don't even stick to the spurious, corrupted idea of 'balance' that the ABC has adopted (as opposed to impartiality, ie an attempt to find out the truth.)

David Irving (no relation) · July 6, 2011 at 2:45 am

Thanks, Mr Denmore. You've saved me the effort and aggravation involved in reading / listening to / watching any news sources for about the next week. (Not that I ever read papers anyway these days.)

Kevin Rennie · July 6, 2011 at 5:04 am

“Voters vow to follow Tony Abbott to end of the earth over ever-increasingly hot coal”. We'd cry if you didn't help us laugh. Keep it coming.

Paul · July 6, 2011 at 5:09 am

well done, Mr Denmore, but you've missed the outrage from the Press Gallery and Libs alike that Gillard has been given a free-kick by the notoriously biased taxpayer-funded ABC. Instead of going to Parliament for debate, thus allowing the policy to filter through to the public via the press gallery and Tony, she will televise it straight to the public.

Mr D · July 6, 2011 at 6:46 am

Paul, given the way the media have been behaving – particular Herr Rupert's mob – I can't blame her for going direct.

And how does this compare to John Howard committing Australian troops to an illegal and ultimately pointless war without first putting it before parliament??

Paul · July 6, 2011 at 7:20 am

indeed, it appears that Tony's fondness for plebiscites and mandates wasn't present circa 2001…

Rhiannon · July 7, 2011 at 9:44 am

Haha, wonderful post Mr. Denmore.
Have you read Myles na gCopaleen's Catechism of Cliche?

Stop Murdoch · July 7, 2011 at 1:17 pm

Hi Mr D,

Sorry to be OT, but…

We've had a very civil disagreement over the years (months?) between your view and ours of people who work in the furtherance of the Murdoch empire and its agenda.

It would be interesting to get your most recent defence of them (ie: individuals who can live with themselves while working for Rupert) in light of the latest disgraces being revealed about the dark empire.

As an aside, remember that all of their denials have so far proven to be lies.

Regards.

Anonymous · July 8, 2011 at 12:02 am

Mr Denmore,

Sorry to also be OT, but may I suggest an addition to your “Recommended Sites and Blogs” sidebar section?

Concera Vota's Petition for ABC to return to its charter

http://bit.ly/gN4RHI

Thank you,

Douglas.

Rhiannon · July 8, 2011 at 12:12 am

I could HEAR Paul Kelly's voice reading that out. My brother says the words 'Pompous Windbag' were coined just for him.

Anonymous · July 8, 2011 at 11:59 pm

Superb impersonation of the mighty labours of Paul Kelly. So many words, so little said.

Anonymous · July 10, 2011 at 10:51 am

Yes, rofl, or good belly-laugh, anyway. I say this after again being driven by irritation at Chris Uhlmann into switching off the ABC on the carbon tax.
The Kelly was word perfect, I just wanted to keep smiling..

Paul Walter

Anonymous · July 10, 2011 at 10:54 am

Btw, loved the picture of Mrs Perfect, in her gleaming new '50's “Honeymooners” kitchen, as a motif for the thread.
pps, do others find the scrollbar here a bit odd?

infoaddict · July 12, 2011 at 1:12 am

You scare me.

And soothe, by showing how shallow the media coverage is …

but mostly you scare me.

(Keep it up).

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