Hi, I’m Ricky Retire-Safe and welcome to Your Money or Your Life – the program where we reveal what today’s market movements mean for you, your children and your children’s children. And if we scare the shit out of you in the process even better.
Coming up in today’s show:
- An utterly irrelevant round-up of overnight market noise action featuring loads of incomprehensible graphs that you will forget as soon as you’ve finished your weetbix…
- A leading (OK, they’re all ‘leading’) market economist issues a forecast on interest rates that is a 180 degree turnaround from what he said a week ago and 360 degrees from two weeks back…
And in today’s interview, Shadow Treasurer Joe Hockey tells us that if interest rates rise/fall/stay where they are, it’s because the government has lost control of the economy. First up, though, here’s Kirsty Kram, with her thesaurus and the market wrap:
“Thanks Rick! Wall Street soared/sailed/shone overnight on promises of continued low interest rates , a day after swooning/sinking/slipping on fears of rising ones. Banks and miners led/drove/ the gains, a day after driving/leading the falls. Our dollar went along for the ride, accelerating/advancing/ascending after the previous day dropping/drooping/descending, while bond yields plummeted/parachuted/pirouetted lower after earlier perking/picking/piling up. The futures market suggests local shares today will strengthen/rebound/surge/flourish, but traders warn this will depend on the RBA cutting/slashing/trimming/lowering cash rates to stimulate/boost/buttress/promote activity. Also, say something here about the carbon tax destroying/decimating/damaging our future. Sorry, Rick, I can’t read/decipher/translate my notes. I got the quote from a broker at a facility/establishment/the pub last night.”
Thanks anyway Kirsty. And thanks Mr Roget. That carbon tax sure has a lot to answer for, which brings me to my second guest, Shadow Treasurer Joe Hockey. Joe, thanks for joining us. Has Australia become a sovereign risk?
But, Joe, every other market is down as well isn’t it? And the carbon tax doesn’t actually start till a year from now.
“Let’s talk about inflation….I want to ask you….”
“But you just said inflation isn’t a problem. Growth is.”
“But the unemployment rate is at its lowest level on record.”
“Yes, but that means wages will spiral out of control, inflation will surge, interest rates will soar/rocket/accelerate/take off (Kirsty, can you throw me the Roget……thanks) and the government will be in the dock for destroying our sacred Aussie way of life.”
“Yes, but you said inflation isn’t a problem.”
“Yes, but we’re one of the few AAA-rated countries left in the world. Central banks are buying our bonds by the bucketload and our currency is above parity. That doesn’t sound like we’re a sovereign risk to me…”
4 Comments
Kevin Rennie · August 10, 2011 at 6:06 AM
Brilliant!
My favourite was the ABC midday news person who said in her market report that a company had recorded a “profit loss of…” Said it twice just in case we thought it was a slip of the tongue.
Rhiannon · August 10, 2011 at 6:53 AM
Oh dear, it would be funny if it weren't so accurate. ('Chillingly' accurate, if I were a journalist.)
Jake Gittings · August 10, 2011 at 12:40 PM
It's a funny thing but in spite of capital's persistent refrain that wage rises, undertaken in an orderly and predictable way, will ruin the economy, we never hear much about the threat posed by the chaotic vicissitudes of capital. From Murdoch you wouldn't expect critical analysis of his own world, while from the ABC it would be unbalanced left-wing bias.
Dan · August 12, 2011 at 6:37 AM
Mr D, will you please stop writing Joe Hockey's material for him.